Our New Religion

Over 100 million TV watchers will join 100,000 people to worship at the altar of the USA's largest faith. This group of worshipers is so large that only estimates can approximate the total number of worshipers world wide. This Sunday is the ultimate service and only the lucky (read wealthy) few can attend the service live. Those lucky enough to attend in person often pay exorbitant fees to get into the service venue. Once inside the will be asked to give even more to satisfy the needs of the worship leaders. Those who worship in their homes, often in large parties, are asked, over and over, by polished salesmen, to give to support the ministry. For those who are not familiar with the service, readers and observers explain what is happening at each point of the service. The observers call attention to little known facts about the worship leaders and their personal assistants. This Sunday is the culmination of many services held regionally across the nation every Sunday. The leaders of the service tomorrow have been picked on the basis of their performance in the regional events leading up to this one last final Service of the Church year which begins on August first.

Once more we will crown the top worship team in the nation and they will be rewarded with special rings and parades in their home towns. We will celebrate our favorites by wearing clothing emblazoned with the logos of their worship team. We will talk about this last event until the worship year begins again and we again follow the actions of our favorite worship leaders, hoping that this year they will make it the the Super Bowl.